Ari owes me BIGTIME for this.
So Takahatchi answered the call for help and swept into the mansion with a huge bag full of stuff. The staff was reluctant to leave me alone, but I managed to convince them Takahatchi was there to tell me some top secret stuff he’d learned about hair bleaching. We managed to get a drawing room to ourselves and my good friend got to work on what was arguably the most embarassing costume I’ve ever worn.
First came the over-the-knee striped socks to cover up my legs. I’ve got great calves, but the fact that I don’t shave would have given me away in a second. Then came the Bermuda Shorts and Chiffon top. A pair of Armani Exchange oversize glasses to cover my eyes, and a set of bangles on each wrist. Finally, after a full-on makeover, Takahatchi pulled out a long blond wig and fitted it over my spikes. It’s going to take me days to spike my hair just right again, man. I was ready to try to make a break for it, but Takahatchi insisted I put on the shoes he’d brought. ‘Scuse me, did I say shoes? Deathtraps with buckles is more like it. How do women walk in these things? Forget walking, how do they stand in them?
The plan was for Takahatchi to leave the room and start causing a fuss so the paranoid staff would stop watching the door. Once he was sure they were all watching him, he stomped twice. That was my cue, and I slipped out as fast as I could. I managed to get a few doors down before they caught me.
It worked. I swayed and giggled, then burst into sobs. I think I did a pretty good imitation of a drunken Meadow. They thought I was some Ari-crazed fan come to snoop around the mansion, and promptly escorted me to the front door. I tripped on the stairs and rolled down a few before coming to an ungainly stop halfway down. At that point, I figured I was safe enough to slip off the shoes and carry them the rest of the way, but I’d managed to wrench my ankle. How did I find this out? I just tried to take one more step. I think the other side of the island heard my scream. Fortunately, by then Takahatchi had managed to make himself enough of a nuisance to also be escorted outside, and he helped me limp to his limosine.
We’re pulling up to the jail now. Wish me luck in explaining all this to the police.
