See Ya!

Hey there, hi there, ho there. Dudes and dudettes, there is good news and there is bad news. The good news is that the Desh is traveling again, seeing the sights and touring the world. The bad news is, I’ve got no time to blog right now. There’s just too much to see, too much to do. I can’t be tied down by anything, not blogs, not locations, and not women. Sorry Cleo, you are my angel, but I gotta move on. So much to see, so much to do and do and do… so toodaloo dudes and dudettes! See you ’round the globe.

Season's Sneezings

Friends, acquaintances, and deeply devoted fans, I must make apologies all around. I had to drop outta the scene for a while, not only cause of all the estrogen flying around when I was last near the Viva Swag girls, but because a nasty bug attacked my lungs. Doc said I had to go somewhere warm to kick the pneumonia, so I emptied out my Ed Hardy Travel Wallet and bought a one-way ticket to the Canary Islands. Problem is, I forgot my laptop. Figures. Well, I shook the sickness and had a marvelous vacation to boot. Seems things have calmed down a bit too, and just in time for Christmas. Can’t wait to show my Angel what I picked up for her, but not until that special day. No peeking Cleo!

Mee-ow!

Duuuuuude! Did you see the new rolling suitcase for sale on my page? If I didn't already have more suitcases than I could count I'd buy it myself. Just looking at it makes me dizzy, it's like an optical illusion--but it's a flippin' suitcase!

You know what? Forget it. I'm selling off a couple of my old luggage cases and buying this one. It's the bomb. Although not really a bomb...

Anyway, I need to get out of here. There's waaaay to much estrogen flying. Cleo and Meadow are at it, and so are Farrah and Saige. Saige, man! Of all the people, I'd think she'd be able to keep it together, but looks like the hemp-woven gloves are comin' off. The only sane female right now is Fredrica, but she's falling hard and fast. I gotta take off and see some sights, and this last minute flight to New York is just the ticket. Maybe by the time I get back, the catfights will have spent themselves.

Moused Out

I can barely write. I just got back from the Disneyland Cruise and I am M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E'd out. When they found out my birthday was Wednesday, they made a huge fuss over me. Mickey, Goofy, Minnie, and Donald all gathered around and brought over this awesome looking cake. Ari must have phoned in my age, cause it had just the right number of candles on it. All the princesses gathered around for smooches, but I slipped off. The cruise was fun, but I was missing my Angel on my birthday.

The cruise line was worried I'd sue for harassment or something, cause they gave me this really awesome crossbody bag, along with their "sincerest hope that I found everything agreeable and appropriate." Pfff. They didn't have to worry. I just have eyes for one princess, and she ain't employed by the big D.

Anyway, I'm off to my pad, it's been a looooooong week full of fun and games AND sneak peeks of the upcoming Toy Story 3. Booyeah, who's the man? I'm the man. And no, I'm not telling anything. You'll just have to wait a whole year.

Oh the Humiliation...

Ari owes me BIGTIME for this.

So Takahatchi answered the call for help and swept into the mansion with a huge bag full of stuff. The staff was reluctant to leave me alone, but I managed to convince them Takahatchi was there to tell me some top secret stuff he’d learned about hair bleaching. We managed to get a drawing room to ourselves and my good friend got to work on what was arguably the most embarassing costume I’ve ever worn.

First came the over-the-knee striped socks to cover up my legs. I’ve got great calves, but the fact that I don’t shave would have given me away in a second. Then came the Bermuda Shorts and Chiffon top. A pair of Armani Exchange oversize glasses to cover my eyes, and a set of bangles on each wrist. Finally, after a full-on makeover, Takahatchi pulled out a long blond wig and fitted it over my spikes. It’s going to take me days to spike my hair just right again, man. I was ready to try to make a break for it, but Takahatchi insisted I put on the shoes he’d brought. ‘Scuse me, did I say shoes? Deathtraps with buckles is more like it. How do women walk in these things? Forget walking, how do they stand in them?

The plan was for Takahatchi to leave the room and start causing a fuss so the paranoid staff would stop watching the door. Once he was sure they were all watching him, he stomped twice. That was my cue, and I slipped out as fast as I could. I managed to get a few doors down before they caught me.

It worked. I swayed and giggled, then burst into sobs. I think I did a pretty good imitation of a drunken Meadow. They thought I was some Ari-crazed fan come to snoop around the mansion, and promptly escorted me to the front door. I tripped on the stairs and rolled down a few before coming to an ungainly stop halfway down. At that point, I figured I was safe enough to slip off the shoes and carry them the rest of the way, but I’d managed to wrench my ankle. How did I find this out? I just tried to take one more step. I think the other side of the island heard my scream. Fortunately, by then Takahatchi had managed to make himself enough of a nuisance to also be escorted outside, and he helped me limp to his limosine.

We’re pulling up to the jail now. Wish me luck in explaining all this to the police.

Mission Impossible

Okay, I gathered a bit of the situation from the dudes running Ari's kitchen. Apparantly I was kidnapped by Aristotle Metropolis. Ari, people, Ari! He stares at a hunk of cheese for hours on end and then orders zebras and peacocks! Yeah, that sounds like a kidnapper. Problem is, I've had some trouble sneaking out of his mansion. First off, it's the size of the White House--with about the same number of bathrooms and bedrooms--and second, it's crawling with people who are frantic that I stay right where I am so they don't lose me again.

Tell me, how am I supposed to go tell the police to cut Ari some slack if I'm cooped up here? But every time I try to leave the kitchen where they have me, I'm "escorted" back and told to wait where I am. Wait my foot, I'm busting outta here and getting Ari loose.

Right after lunch, anyway. I'm starved, and those burgers the chef's cookin' up look incredible.

After that, though, I'm outta here. I'll figure some way out. Hey, anybody out there, you willing to help me break away from these crazy servants?

Ari Arrested?

Dude, what's going on? I was watching the most awesome meteor shower when I heard faint screaming. I looked down thinking maybe Cleo had come to see where I was and was getting attacked by the lions, but it was Ari. I could see police dragging him off. What's going on? I haven't known Ari to do even slightly illegal things.

I couldn't find anything sharp in the room, so I used a bottlecap to chip off a really long, really sharp splinter, and attempted to pick the lock. Pretty sad, huh? But it worked. I guess the lock was so old... anyway, I picked up my laptop and grabbed the quilt too. I was on my way out when one of the staff members with the headphones grabbed me and started yammering that they'd found me. Was that what the whole headphone thing was about? Ari had 'em looking for me? Poor guy. I guess I did kind of vanish.

Maybe they can tell me what Ari did to get himself arrested. I hope it has nothing to do with those crazy lions.